Buzzsaw Haircut

Letter from the Editors

As you may or may not know, the Department of Homeland Security, under Tom Ridge, has recently set up a website intended to provide important information that could be handy in the event of a terrorist attack. You can view the new and exciting ways to not get killed at www.Ready.gov.
This information is extremely relevant in today's world, particularly with the specter of war on evil Iraq about to raise the ire of terrorists, who are even more evil. According to Ready.org, "Terrorists are working to obtain biological, chemical, nuclear and radiological weapons and the threat of an attack is very real." Given this, we here at Buzzsaw Haircut would like to offer a couple safety tips, direct from the home office.
One of the most talked-about precautionary items has been duct tape. We suggest that duct tape is a little overboard. Instead, try some ordinary Scotch tape, commonly known as cellophane tape. It is cheaper, and chances are, you already don't need to go buy any, which is a definite plus, because, in the words of Ithaca College student and Buzzsaw Haircut editor Dan Greenman, "You're more likely to get killed buying duct tape than you are inhaling anthrax." If you use Scotch tape, you will be less likely to strip the paint off your window shudders once the swarm of botulinum toxin passes over your house. We also recommend Lysol, to help get rid of that stale poison gas smell.
Another warning from Ready.org says that in the event of a terrorist attack, pull over, stop the car and set the parking brake. We agree fully. We all like to drive, and many fine young men and women have been saved by parking brakes. However, we also feel you can do more. If you have the presence of mind to use your parking brake, why not calmly put your car back into drive (or reverse if the terrorists are in front of you) and inconspicuously drive away. You may wish to duck and cover in the driver's seat, so that the terrorists think the vehicle is rolling away on its own volition. Also, if you duck, it will be harder for them with their bazookas and bottles of Ebola.
We hope that you'll keep these in mind; being prepared is the safest route we as a nation can take. What else are we gonna do, not go to war?

-Matt Hourihan