Buzzsaw Haircut

Thongs: What’s up everyone’s ass?

By Kara Storti

She's letting it all hang out. She's bent over, gathering her books for the next class and all I can see is her Victoria's Secret bright red g-string cutting her ass in two.

It's so in my face I can almost hear the thong making the great divide.

This sight, this infamous, “Oops, my thong is coming out of my pants again” phenomenon is everywhere. She is aware it's happening to her, but she really doesn't care. Guys are relentlessly teased by it. Girls go nuts to find the latest thong to complement their cracks. They want their thongs to be seen, to share them with the world.

What was once only worn by strippers and prostitutes nearly a decade ago is now up almost every girl's behind. I'm not going to lie – I've worn my share of thongs. But I'm to the point where I'm wondering why. Why this need for a constant wedgie? What’s sexy about dental flossing your ass?

Maybe a little history will help. We'll begin the story of the thong in 1939 during the World's Fair in New York City. Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia saw the city's nude dancers as just too naked. He insisted they cover up, but of course not too much. From here the G-string was born, a scant triangle of material in the front and a small strip in back to wedge in between the cheeks.

Six years later in 1945, French designer Louis Reard unveiled the bikini at a Paris fashion show. It was so controversial, Reard's models didn't want to risk their careers by walking the runway in barely nothing. Eventually he found a nude dancer willing to be the first woman to wear a bikini. This skimpy creation opened doors to new beachwear, which would soon incorporate the thong.

In 1974 fashion designer Rudi Gernrich put the thong bottom to the bikini top. Finally in '81 Frederik Mellinger mass-marketed thong underwear, called “scanty panties.” Women didn't embrace the new creation right away. The name alone probably had them running.

Then in the 90s, Calvin Klein created the flimsy slip dress that everybody craved. Pants were clinging tighter and tighter by the moment. The visible panty line became an ominous creature and suddenly thongs were saving butts nationally.

Apparently we're going to continue seeing those infamous strings hugging a woman's hips for a long time. Now, according to underwear industry experts, thong sales match those of traditional underwear. Frederick's of Hollywood sells more than 4.5 million panties a year and 90 percent of them are thongs. In 1999 alone, Victoria's Secret customers bought more than 20 million thongs.

The statistics are fascinating. Not only do they prove the thong craze is really happening, but it also indicates women's sense of need. Lure 'em and reel 'em with the string of a thong, that's the key to a good catch. It's too bad that all this sexiness doesn't teach anything about maintaining and keeping a relationship. A seamless butt won't achieve societal or self-improvement. But it will continue to reinforce the impossible expectations our culture has of women.

Stephanie Bala, a senior at Cornell University, says, “When I think thongs, I think sexy, sex appeal, and Victoria's Secret.” Thongs and sex – it's inevitable that the two are connected. This tiny, three inches of material has managed to make women so concerned with attracting the opposite sex, getting sex and being sexy. Is it really that difficult?

Some male opinions on thongs are even livelier. “They're great,” says Dave Diamond, a sophomore at Ithaca College. “It's just enough material to leave things up to the imagination. Regular panties are old-lady style.” It seems like the thong is a really bad pick-up line that many guys fall for. “Heaven must have put stars in your eyes…” or a thong on your ass, for that matter.

Carla Golden, psychology professor at Ithaca College, thinks the word “thong” implicates its function in society. “You change one letter and it becomes a thing. At the same time it makes a woman into a thing.”

Thong originates from the Old English “thwong,” a root that means to restrain. Women slip on g-strings across the country to sexually liberate themselves without realizing the bind they are in. The thong is worn to free a woman from the dreaded panty line, but Golden asks, “Why is there a need for no lines?” Cultural messages are telling women a smooth butt is good and attractive. Females continue to perform acts in society that dictate, “you show good ass, you get good ass.”

Golden suggests that thongs follow in the tradition of high heels. They look great, but are they really that comfortable? Society's obsession with the posterior is restraining – a woman isn't feeling sexy and powerful within herself, for herself. Sexual empowerment is reduced to the form of a material thing.

There are even certain health risks involved in wearing a thong. According to Hilda Hutcherson, a gynecologist in New York City, there is a link between thongs, yeast and urinary tract infections. The string has direct contact with the vagina and anus, increasing the likelihood of bacteria exchange. Tight synthetic materials were never meant to be intimately involved with the crack.

Despite the health warnings, wherever there's need there's a so-called market. For environmentalists there is the eco-friendly hemp thong. For menstruating women wearing tight black pants, there is the Always thong panty liner. And now available for 10-year-old girls: tiny thongs on which the words “eye candy” and “wink wink” are embroidered. Last summer Abercrombie and Fitch marketed thongs in sizes that fit girls ranging from 10 to 16 years.

The company's spokesman, Hampton Carney, told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel the thongs are, “Cute and fun and sweet.” Why don't they start selling those thongs with matching garter belts and thing-highs attached? Throw in a lace teddy and your daughter will be all set. And we're wondering why our youth are so sexualized.

Young girls are surrounded by sexual images and grow up believing they should flaunt their bodies. Be mini-Britneys and life will be easier. They become so consumed with the exterior their personalities are formed by it. Presentation of the body is everything and all that is important is the ability to be sexy. Ten-year-old girls shouldn't be concerned with sexiness! Go outside and play, wholesome youth, before it's too late. Watch out, or soon you'll be thonged!

Thongs for some are three inches of power over the opposite sex. A glimpse of those sassy strings and some men will be swooning. For others they are seen as a device to turn women into objects. In a museum, the naked female body is a work of art. She wears a thong and turns into a porn star.

There is nothing wrong with feeling sexy. Yet, if a girl can't feel sexy without slapping a thong on, this becomes a problem. Lisa Schwartz, a senior at Ithaca College, says, “It's one thing to wear cute thongs for practical purposes, (to get rid of the panty line) but the girls who can't go out on a Friday night without a thong on gave the underwear a trashy name.”
Even male students agree. “If girls are wearing thongs only to get a guy, they need to stop and think what they're doing,” says Mike Nagel, an Ithace College junior.

Thongs are so far embedded into the ass of our culture they became less a desire and more of a need. Frederick's of Hollywood spokeswoman Lee Ann Tweeden said on a VH1 special, “It [the thong] used to be scandalous, now it's a necessity. Clothing is form fitting and nobody wants lines.”

This product has inevitably created another product – the hyper-sexualized woman. Our society embraces this image like a pimply, adolescent boy staring at a poster of bikini-clad Tyra Banks.

We're brought up in a society where presentation of the body is everything. Smooth butts, big tits, flat stomachs … this is what many women strive for. Women believe that their undergarments will enhance encounters with the opposite sex. It worked for Monica, didn't it? What ever happened to a good, old-fashioned conversation? Now it's, “guess the color of my thong and you may see it later in bed.”

While women try so hard to achieve “the look,” they might not be doing it for themselves. “Girls are trying to mimic what they see on TV,” Bala says. “It's a complete wanna-be thing.”

Girls will always try to mimic what they see as attractive. And there will always be the Britneys and Christinas in this world. So what do women want? They want to be beautiful. Who said they wanted to be thonged, tied up like a package with a string, and thrown into the mess of culture with some flimsy underwear as their only defense? No, no, no, we've got it all wrong.

There are ways to be lovely without losing a shred of dignity and without the thread of a thong. I'll find a sense of worth with just me and a pair of cotton white underwear. Nothing is sexier than simplicity-and a little bit of elegance.

Kara Storti is a senior English major. Email her at kstorti1@ithaca.edu