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Stay High, Stay Free, Stay Wired By Bob Oswald America's been hit hard by the "alternative religion"
trend, and now one hundred backyard druids and kitchen wiccans are out
in the fields scooping up consciousness expansion by the bagload. Mushrooms,
Jimpson Weed, Deadly Nightshade-- the legal psychotropic herb scene
has been booming in the past couple of years, as the United Statesā
"War on Freedom" (er ... drugs ... ) intensifies. And it's not just
the hardcore addicts and new-agey self-seekers who are doing it any
more. No longer is access to chemical consciousness expansion (or extinction)
restricted to botany majors and people who can recite every God-name
on the "tree of life" backwards. Recreational herbs have exploded onto
the American scene in the past year or so for one reason-- actually,
THE reason of the millennium-- the Internet.
I know the idea of "legal highs" may conjure up some bad memories for you jaded 90s kids: That time you did whippets and your friends locked you in the bathroom to spend the night clawing at the door and screaming that you had given yourself brain damage, or when your mom caught you taking her minivan full of kids into the city to buy Herbal Ecstasy (Hey ... if it killed someone, it must be good!). Or maybe there was that Datura incident when you woke up three days later, naked, on the roof of your old elementary school, in someone else's body. Yeah, it's probably a good thing you went to college and became an alcoholic, just to get yourself off of that crazy stuff. But sometimes, maybe, you still feel that need for self-assertion; you feel the overwhelming urge to play mad doctor with your own body again. Well, welcome back, baby. Your friends may not remember you, but the drugs sure do. And a lot has changed. For one thing, there are no more "hallucinogens." They're "entheogens" now, because it's no longer cool to use recreationally; this is shamanic-druidic-finding yourself stuff. Sound good? You can buy it with a major credit card and a computer. First of all, most forms of herbal ecstasy have been made illegal. Whippets are still a good way to give yourself a brain hemorrhage, and I don't know anyone under 21 who's even heard of Datura, much less has tried. And we're not talking about commercial cough syrups and smoking nutmeg. Thanks to the magic of the Internet, some new stuff is available that'll make you want to bust out the lava lamp again. OK, so there's no herbal E anymore. But there is this stuff called Ephedra. Ephedra is an alkaloid, usually extracted from the Chinese Ma-Huang plant. You may recognize it as one of the ingredients in the original herbal E and that's how its being sold now, as a substitute for the substitute. Yet another stimulant alkaloid in a long line, but it's peppy and, combined with caffeine (how it's usually sold), it could be a real rush. Is this stuff as good as "real" ecstasy? Of course not. But it costs just as much, so just close your eyes, open your wallet and rave on. You've also probably heard of yohimbe, the "herbal viagra" of alternative medicine. The drug we're really talking about here is yohimbine, an alkaloid (and MAO inhibitor, so be careful) that is extracted from the African Yohimbe plant. African witch doctors and shamans have used it for ages as a hallu-- I mean, entheogen, and forits supposed aphrodisiac qualities. It's available from most Internet herb shops as both an alcohol extract and raw bark. The alcohol extract is a rip off. The shamans either chew it raw or make it into a (very bitter) tea. Reports range from the usual "nothing happened, I want my money back" to stories of twisted vision-quests and eight or 10 hour lovemaking sessions. As usual, your mileage will vary. The other "new" drug that's been hitting the (virtual) shelves of the Internet high shops is one that I'm personally very excited about. Salvia Divinorum, a Central American plant and member of the Sage family (that's right ... like the kitchen seasoning) has been used for centuries by Mazatec shamans. It was actually originally the "first step" an apprentice shaman took on the road to the peyotyl ceremony. Salvia's main effect seems to be on the dreaming centers of the brain. As such, it is not a technical hallucinogen, because it does not induce hallucination, but a drug which causes dreaming (while you're still awake!) Salvia is best experienced alone, in a dark place, with as little outside noise as possible. Again, I've seen people try it, sit back for a minute or two, shrug and head for the fridge for a beer. On the other hand, some people seem to be incredibly sensitive and trip out, see weird shapes and colors, feel bugs crawling all over their bodies, try to claw their own eyeballs out, etc. Most people seem to experience mild hallucinations, general disorientation, and strange sensations on the skin. The intense stuff wears off in about 15 minutes and after that, the user just seems to feel a little "weird." Of course, there are the expected stories of five hour journeys into the jungle and complete amnesia afterwards. Of course. The best part is that it's all there. Got a computer and a credit card? It's yours. Maybe that's not so great, though. I have to remind all eager college kids, gripping Mom and Dad's Mastercard in sweaty palms, that it is imperative to RESEARCH any drug before you put it in your body. Find out where it comes from, what it'll do to you, how it affects your mind and body ... everything. And of course to always have a sober person watching you whenever you try a new drug. It is stupid and irresponsible to put anything into your bloodstream and just hope for a good result. Of course, there are thousands of plants and herbs with psychoactive properties and most of them are for sale you-know-where. The three above are the big sellers right now, but they're always alongside your usual ginseng pills and kava-kava tea bags. Probably the best thing about the explosion of the online entheogen trade is the legitimacy its given to some of these plants. As Americans begin to try drugs beyond the socially approved alcohol-and-prozac cocktail, maybe there'll be some awareness that what makes one drug "bad" and another "good" is a completely arbitrary legal decision ... any drug could be disastrous when used improperly, even something as innocuous as aspirin or your morning shot of caffeine. Maybe widespread, responsible use of entheogens would increase our general awareness of the many uses and misuses of ceremonial/recreational chemicals. Maybe it would allow us to sign a kind of peace treaty, ending the "War On Drugs," and even creating an alliance with our former enemy. *** "How To Buy Drugs On The Internet" For Dummies Buying drugs on the Internet is easier than one might think. There are a hundred or so botanical companies that, often quite unwittingly, sell plants with psychoactive properties. You've just got to do some research on botany, chemistry, etc., and not act too suspicious when you order: "Oh, yeah, I need 40 pounds of peyote cuttings ... For my greenhouse ..." For those of you who like it quick and thoughtless, there are now web-based companies who do the research for you and offer a wide variety of psychotropic and entheogenic plants for the discriminating addict. Of course they'll make you pay 60 bucks for a gram of "super chill smoke" that actually consists of crabgrass and crumbled oregano: you've been warned. Here's how to do it: 1) DO THE RESEARCH! If you want it to stay legal, then use it responsibly. 2) Go to your favorite websearch. Type in the words "salvia, ephedra, entheogens, legal highs, and drugs." 3) Pray to whatever universal force you believe in that this search hasn't been recorded in a cookie file and sent to the FBI, the CIA, and your parents. 4) Go to one of the sites you've now located and make your selections. All major credit cards accepted. Try to avoid buying from places that sell whipped cream canisters and other "adult novelty items." Support someone who's serious about the scene. 5) You'll probably have to verify that you are of legal age, usually by sending the company a piece of paper with your date of birth written on it, and a signature. No lie. They're actually not looking at your birthday, but they're checking for telltale signs of a juvenile addict like the infamous dyslexic backwards R. 6) Wait a couple of days and your drugs will arrive in the mail. If you live on campus you'll get one of those exciting pink slips. Go back to your room and get loaded. Have a blast. Always have a sober "sitter" the first time you try any psychedelic drug. You've been warned. Bob Oswald is a senior writing major at Ithaca College. Just for Informational Purposes: Buzzsaw Haircut does not encourage drug use, but, in case you missed it in this piece, all the drugs mentioned herein are legal, anyway. |
