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Let's Go Fishing with Bryan Chambala When I can't sleep and the train that runs in the middle of the Ithaca night starts moaning, I think about fishing. Sometimes it puts me to sleep and sometimes I get up and drink enough whiskey to kill a cow. Either way, I feel better. Fishing is cathartic. It brings a little sense to the world and calms the aggravated soul. And the only thing better than dreaming about fishing is fishing itself. When spring rolls around you'll find me on the water. The north end of Cayuga lake to be exact, sporting a wrinkled short-sleeve shirt and a set of dirty fingernails. But in the spirit of a true giving individual, I'd like to share my little bit of paradise this year.
We'll start with Jerry Falwell. Now this is an easy one because everybody knows old Jerry. You might have caught him a few weeks ago ranting on and on that the purple Teletubby was encouraging one-year-olds to turn gay. Anyway, Falwell seems a little wound up lately and what better way to relax his sensibilities than a good fishing trip? Falwell is wound really tight. Not just regular tight, but really tight. And I figure that not just any old fishing partner will do. We need somebody who redefines laid back, someone who sees the world through two lazy eyes and a haze of relaxation. It came down to Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson. I picked Willie because I've seen him in concert and he expressed a love for the rod and line right there in Elmira between songs. Worry not faithful Dogg fans, he's still on the list and maybe when its Trent Lott's turn, I will think about pairing them up. To me, it looks like a good matchup. We have Willie Nelson, who can bring his guitar and some of those "special" cigars he likes to smoke. Anyway, I figure someone who sees homosexual undertones watching Teletubbies has got to know something about contacting the yonder regions of the conscience. Hell, anyone whose over 15 years-old and is watching Teletubbies has got to be dipping into the heavy stuff anyway. We'll get those two out on the boat and set off for some serious large mouth bass. I've been fishing this damn lake for about five years and I still haven't figured any of the secrets out, so it will be a learning experience for all three of us. My guess is that Falwell will want to use something long, straight and hard, so we'll give him the Rapala fish stick that looks about the size of the fish we'll be going after. Jerry's got a lot of energy in him, so we'll send him off casting as to work some of that tension out of his wrists. I bet he's got some strong wrists. Willie doesn't seem like the casting type, so we'll set him for the drifting with a plastic worm and a few sinkers. When we get back from our day of fishing, there will be a barbecue. Chicken, corn bread, beans and later, marshmallows by the campfire. When the fire is built, Willie will play the guitar, I'll beat a wooden bowl to keep time and Jerry will dance in his purple zippered-up footie pajamas with his lips painted fiery red and a mouthful of whiskey-soaked cotton balls. We'll be singing the immortal "Four Walls." Bryan Chambala is a senior at IC. |
