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Disappearing Ink A regular column by Buzzsaw's outgoing executive publisher James Sigman Where are the real heroes these days? This question comes up a lot --usually when someone like Roy Rogers or John Wayne dies. Columnists wonder whatever happened to the guys in white hats who saved the day. They mourn the passing of the "good old days" and express doubt that young folk will ever find suitable icons in our amoral world. Let the naysayers say nay; we do have our heroes. And recently, after an arduous, two-day journey, I came in contact with one such man. I sat in the same room as he did, breathed the same air he breathed. I have seen a true hero and his name is Dustin Diamond. (This is the point at which I expect that many people are scratching their heads. Who is this Dustin Diamond fellow, you ask? Well, if you don't know, please stop reading and study for a final or something. Good. Now, I suspect only the members of my target audience remain. And the three of us know Dustin Diamond played Screech on the legendary TV program "Saved By The Bell.") There are, of course, several reasons why Mr. Diamond qualifies as a hero. Let me point out just a few. First, Mr. Diamond possesses a quiet dignity and respect for "Saved By The Bell" that, quite frankly, has eluded most of his castmates. Without even touching Elizabeth Berkley (fill in "Showgirls" joke here), Tiffani-Amber Thiessen (Kelly) smoked pot on "90210," Mario Lopez (Slater) is a bike cop on "Pacific Blue," and Mark Paul Gosselaar (Zack) has black hair now. I don't know what Lark Voorhies (Lisa) is doing these days, but she's probably trying to distance herself from the show, too. What's the hurry? You can bet your Buddy Band that if I was on "Saved By The Bell," I'd be damn proud I was part of a show that touched so many lives. I don't know about you, but I stopped smoking dope, beat my addiction to uppers, and learned that drinking and driving don't mix thanks to Screech and the rest of the "Saved By The Bell" gang. Of course, one can't discuss Mr. Diamond without mentioning the acting mastery and inspired zaniness he brought to the character of Samuel "Screech" Powers. I think Mr. Diamond put it best during a recent appearance on the Howard Stern Show when he said, "I made that character come alive." And he didn't just make that character come alive for one or two years. No sir, he kept on saying "Zoinks" and stuck with the "Saved By The Bell" ship until it met its timely demise earlier this TV season. That's about a decade, starting with the original, graduating to "Saved By The Bell: The College Years," and finishing up on "Saved By The Bell: The New Class." Sure, Mr. Diamond could have called it quits after the college years, but he knew he had a gift. And when you have such a gift, why deny the public the right to see it? But now Mr. Diamond faces an uncertain future. With no "Saved By The Bell"-related show on the table, what's a Screech to do? Apparently, the answer is go on a mini-tour of Rascals Comedy Clubs in New Jersey, which is just what Mr. Diamond did at the end of March. As soon as I heard of his appearances, I made plans to attend the first night of comedy in West Orange, N.J. Unfortunately, the trip didn't turn out well. It involved, in order, a late bus, getting left off at the wrong bus stop, calling six different cab companies, getting to a corner just in time to see a bus fly by, and finally getting a cab to the club about 90 minutes too late. These and many other adventures related to this excursion will be revealed in my soon-to-be published book, "A Screeching Halt." When I finally arrived home that night, I felt defeated. I was so close to seeing a real live hero, only to fall just short. But I held out hope that I could convince my friend (who requested anonymity, so we'll call him Zack) to drive me to Ocean Township, N.J. for the next night's show, as it was not accessible by bus and I don't have a driver's license. Realizing that meeting Mr. Diamond was my destiny, I managed to convince Zack to make the trip, with the condition that this sizable debt would have to be repaid. Finally, on Saturday, March 25, Zack, his cousin (who didn't request anonymity, but we'll call him Slater anyway) and I arrived at the club. Mr. Diamond was the emcee for the sold-out night, and the two more experienced comics on the bill got most of the laughs. To be honest, Zack, Slater, and I expected Mr. Diamond would not be funny. And, like all good heroes, he lived up to expectations. Poor Mr. Diamond seems to be stuck between embracing his Screechness and denying it by saying things like, "I need some trim" and suggesting they make a porn version of "Saved By The Bell" called "Shaved By The Balls." But the night wasn't about funny jokes; it was about paying homage to a true hero. Sure, he's not that good at stand-up. But his time as Screech has earned him the title of "American Hero," and we owe him. So, if he comes to your town, support him in this difficult time. Even heroes get the blues. Shine on, you crazy Diamond. |
