Especially during the second half of the semester, I began looking forward to coming to math class each day.  I loved seeing the people in the class, I loved talking about the world and life and love, with a little math sprinkled on top.  It would be very difficult for me to summarize what I have learned in this class in an essay.  This class has taught me more about myself than it has taught me about math and in my opinion, that's what any good university level course should do.  How can you do anything else, how can you successfully pursue your goals if you're not an expert on yourself and what you feel?
I think that a lot of people in the class, myself included, let their guard down by the end of the semester.  When I was able to see that other people were feeling similar emotions and had had similar experiences as me, I began to feel grateful that they shared these feelings because I know how difficult it must have been for them.  Once I realized that everyone in the class was real, with their own stories and ideas, I really had no choice but to respect them and love them because it really takes a lot to let yourself be open not only to others criticisms, but to your own criticisms, which are sometimes the harshest of all.  In discussing our fears and our dreams, it was really amazing how the students inadvertently became the teacher to everyone else if only for a few minutes.
I was always afraid of math.  I thought that it was a complex system, like a code that I would never be able to crack.  For this reason, I tried to avoid it.  In fact, this is the first math class I've taking since I was a sophomore in high school and now I'm a senior
in college.  In relating math to everyday life problems, I was finally able to understand mathematical thought.  I was even pretty good at it.
I began to like math, and I began to let go of the fear that I once had of it.  Like everything else in this course, this too related to my life.  It's funny how math reflects life as if there were a miffor held up between the two entities.  I know that we should not fear anything, that in order to truly be happy we must eliminate all fear and accept that whatever happens is going to happen no matter how much we think about it or wish it would be different.  As I wrote about earlier in this class, my father is very ill with cancer.  For the past three years, I have tried to avoid thinking about it and I don't even talk about it with my family or my best friends.  The fact that I was even able to write about it, to put it down on a piece of paper in front of me and stare at this truth, showed immense personal growth.  I don't mind saying that I was and still am proud of myself The first time I ever wrote about it was in the beginning of the semester in this class.
I've finally been able to force myself to look at this reality.  My father may die.  This truth is very painful, but in simply allowing myself to feel this pain rather than spending every ounce of my energy trying to ignore it, it is almost refreshing.  It still hurts, but knowing that it's there and it's real and that it belongs to me and is a part of what makes me human, makes me feel more grounded in the earth and more solid.  Does this make sense?  Fear takes away from who I am and who I want to be.
In our class, we were introduced to the game "Prisoner's Dilemma".  In this game there are two players and one record keeper.  If you choose A and your partner chooses B you lose 50 points and your partner gains 50 points.  If you both choose B each loses 10 points and if you both choose A you each player gains I 0 points.  Each partner is
unaware of the choices the other has made.  The object of this game is either to have the highest possible amount of points or to ensure that both you and your partner are in a stable position.  However, the dynamic of the game becomes very interesting when it is uncertain whether your partner is competing with you or trying to work with you.  This game demonstrated very simply the fact that we are all dependent on everyone and everything else and therefore we must be able to see ourselves in everything around us and we must radiate loving kindness so that we can do our part in strengthening the whole, As always, this game also correlates to the rest of the world, It is important to look at the fact that we are all parts of one perfect whole, especially amidst the tensions goino, on because of the terrorist attacks.  Everyone has love in their hearts.  This is a difficult lesson to learn, but once you can see the truth in it you will shed layers and layers of hate and neg@tive feelings and you will begin to connect with everyone and everything in the world at a verv different level.
One of my favorite experiences in this class was visitinp, the Lakeside retirement home.  It felt great to be able to bring life and love to these people who probably feel very lonely sometimes, I often forget how much j ust one smile and one hello can do to brighten up someone's life.  I also forget that it is mv responsibility to give something back to this world which has given me so much.
One of the most amazing realizations I had occurred when I spoke with many of the people on in the Alzheimer's unit.  What wonderful people they were, At first, and I hate to admit it, I felt a little self conscious and uncomfortable.  I felt like I was creating a friendship with a group of people that may not remember me tomorrow, or even a few minutes from now as was the case for some of them.  I shoved this feeling aside and
made friends with many of them.  After talking to Elanor for awhile, I realized that it really didn't matter if these people remembered me or the conversations we were having.  They were right in the present, this was the present.  And the present is really all that matters, the past has already happened and the future has vet to be realized.  In this sense, what a beautiful and strange world these people must live in.  It's a world completely different from my own and it's no better or worse, it's just completely different.  I am very grateful to all the wonderful people I met at Lakeside for teaching me such a beautiful lesson.  Do everything you can with the present moment because it will never happen again.  Don't dwell in the past, and don't worry too much about the future because it's beyond your control.  Strength and power come from letting go of control.
This class helped me to understand more about myself and who I want to be.  The lessons that I leamed within the context of mathematics will stay in my heart far longer than any mathematical fortnula or equation.  Mathematics is more than numbers and equations, it's a way of thinking and a way of looking at the world within a framework of reasoning in order to help you understand what you wouldn't understand otherwise.  Math is everywhere as the world is made up of complex pattems.  These pattems are in everything.  They are in my heart and yours.  They are in tangible objects such as trees and dogs and they are within intangible things such as music and emotions.  They connect us all.
 

Thank you Dani.