It was a long, painful process I went through in order to heal myself.  Everyone deals with things differently.  The way I handled many of the traumatic occurrences in my life was by not handling them at all.  I dealt with my insecurities about myself and my family by running from them.  I went to a therapist when I was thirteen and continued geeing her until the end of high school.  I am sure she helped somewhat, and I'm not sure how much she helped me or how she helped me.  But I don't know what I would've been like with out her and I don't think I'd want to know.  When I left for college, many things started happening in my life.  The extremity of them were of such that I could not run away anymore.  I had to cry.  I had to feel.  I started by keeping an honest journal of my thoughts and feelings.  I took long walks by myself.  When I had to cry, I cried.  But then I made myself go out and make new friends.  I made myself get out of bed when I didn't want to.  I made myself go on with my life.
I've learned now that running from your feelings, no matter what they are is so detrimental to ones growth.  I'm not sure what it is, but there's something about dealing m* with the circumstances, and feeling all of the pain that enables you to grow.  I guess, if we allow ourselves to hurt, we won't be so scared to hurt again.  If we take care of ourselves and be honest, it makes us more mature and strong.  When I hit rock bottom one year, I sifted out friends that didn't facilitate my growth.  I befriended people that were amazing and beautiful people.  This is so important in improving yourself because having true good friends, means being a good friend to yourself.  Taking steps in life is painful, frustrating, and worth it.  The other aspect of the process that heals is time.  I've learned that so few people wait for time.  People are impatient with their pain.  They don't trust time to take care of it.  I have so much faith in time that things will work out for the best and that the pain will go away.  Growing up and healing yourself means learning when to let go, forgive, and cut your losses.  These are things that were the hardest for me to learn.  It's hard to learn when to do all these things, and throughout life I have a feeling we make mistakes all the time.
You asked me what process I went through to get to where I am today.  Honesty, it's not a process like a math problem.  It's more vague, it's confusing,  and it's not the same for everyone.  I know that self-love, self acceptance, and self respect are so crucial in life and in growing.  It's the base of everything and without it, growth doesn't take place.  I found beautiful people that pushed me to help me love and respect myself.  I found good people.  I found myself.