“Never let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”  I’m not exactly sure where that quote came from but I remember it written on a piece of loose-leaf paper many years ago, hanging in our kitchen for several months.  My father put it there, but I was never really certain if he was the one who wrote it, or if he was quoting someone else.  Regardless, there it hung above our kitchen table, and there it hung for me.
 I have been suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for as long as I can remember.  Ever since early, early on in my childhood I have experienced symptoms of this devastating mental illness.  Even as I sit now, 22 years and approximately 13 therapists later, I am experiencing anxiety and stress brought on by my OCD.  It is very rare that I am ever completely free of anxiety.  My body has become so accustomed to responding to mental stress and torment, that even during the brief moments of my day where my mind is free, my body is still enslaved.  I store stress in my neck, shoulders, and upper back, but mainly it is my stomach that suffers the most.  I feel as though there is a pit of fire burning inside all day long.  I fear that I am going to cause ulcers to grow if they haven’t yet already.  I must deep, belly breathe throughout the day to help alleviate the tension that gets stored down there.
 These are only a few of the physical symptoms that I experience as a result of my obsessive thoughts and compulsions.  At the moment my left eye can’t stop twitching and I must pause every couple of minutes to pick at scabs and pluck out the hair of my eyebrows.  These symptoms have led me to be diagnosed with trichtotillomania as well.  I guess it’s a disorder common for OCDers to develop in a poor attempt to help alleviate stress.  The saddest part of all this is that I am over a hundred times better than when I was as a teenager and child.  Yes, I’ve got the “perfection bug” pretty bad.
 It’s funny because I think I’ve actually read this article by Dr. Burns before.  His book, Feeling Good, was recommended to me by one of my therapists while I was in high school.  I don’t think I got through the entire book (it was pretty long!) but I read enough to get the gist of what he was trying to teach.  I liked the book.  I thought that he had very good insight into the world of us perfectionists.  I remember when I was reading the book, wondering if he was perhaps a perfectionist himself.  Then I decided that could not have been the case because the book was way too successful.  Perfectionists in actuality don’t get as close to success as they may like to think.  Their vision becomes sharply tunneled as they focus intensely on unnecessary details and lose sight of the whole picture.  One can’t produce a successful product from behind the blinders perfectionists often unknowingly wear.  Jennifer, a patient of Dr. Burns, listed six disadvantages of being a perfectionist.  The third one on her list is the one I think is the saddest.  She says, “…my perfectionism inhibits me from trying new things and making discoveries because I am so preoccupied with being ‘safe.’  Thus, my world becomes narrow and somewhat boring, and I lose out on the opportunity for new challenges.”
 I have lost out on so much because of this illness.  Not just time and discovery, but also relationships.  Dr. Burns writes about how perfectionists are often plagued by loneliness.  “Because the perfectionists fear and anticipate rejection when they are judged as imperfect, they tend to react defensively to criticism.  Their response usually frustrates and alienates others and may bring about the very disapproval perfectionists most fear.  This reinforces their irrational belief that they must be perfect to be accepted.”  Now I experienced a bit different scenario but nonetheless, it left me lonely.  Because of other holdups, I was not equipped with enough self-esteem or self-assurance to act defensively.  Instead, I just turned my emotions inward, and suffered from a depression so severe that scared people away.  It either scared them away right off the bat leaving no chance for a relationship at all, or it would slowly and painfully wear those down who sincerely thought they could help.
 In his article, David Burns describes a recently published advertisement reading, “Experience the Sense of Perfection…If you have ever taken a luxury sports car through a tight turn, you know the feeling.”  Some may believe that it is advertisements such as these, along with other media, that influence and encourage our perfectionistic tendencies.  To a good extent I think this is true.  The media likes the fast, big, bold, thin, and beautiful.  It is what we see on our television and billboards.  It is what we find in our magazines, movies, and music.  The messages bombard us, whether it is obvious or subliminal.  They are nearly impossible to escape, and for that reason I believe that they have an impact on each one of us, in one way or another.  I think there are millions of people out there who become obsessed with either looking a certain way or living a certain lifestyle.  They want what’s “in” when it comes to cars, homes, pools, gardens, pets, furniture, occupations, etc.  This list goes on and on.  All these wants could drive a person off the deep end!  How can one be chic and stylish without spending tons of money?  And how can one spend tons of money without working his or her tail off?  It’s no wonder that so many people suffer from perfectionism – there is just so much competition out there to be the best, to have the best, that it seems as though the only way to gain any of it is by offering nothing less than what is PERFECT.
 Women are especially targeted in one particular area – that of looking beautiful.  And even more unfairly, it all depends on what’s in style at the moment.  How women are expected to be big, blond bombshells one season and then heroin addict looking waifs the next confuses the heck out of me.  How women are ever expected to be anything but themselves will always be a question left unanswered in my mind.  It is truly devastating the lengths at which women will go to look “perfect”.  This is one realm where I can wholeheartedly blame the media for my suffering.  To quote Naomi Wolf in her article “The Beauty Myth”, “The advertisers who make women’s mass culture possible depend on making women feel bad enough about their faces and bodies to spend more money on worthless or pain-inducing products than they would if they felt innately beautiful.”
Fortunately, I was always naturally thin so I was spared the torment of dieting to be just the right weight.  Because of my obsessive-compulsive personality, I would have made a prime candidate for such life threatening illnesses as anorexia and bulimia.  I did, however, suffer from other forms of Body Dysmorphic Disorder.  I had acne.  I had pretty bad acne.  The funny thing is that I was most upset about my acne when it was not yet that bad.  I guess at that point I felt I might still have had a chance.  I remember times when I had only a couple of zits but it honestly seemed like hundreds.  I was only focused on the few “ugly” spots on my face, and completely ignored the rest.  When I looked in the mirror those zits were all I saw.  It didn’t matter how pretty my eyes were or how well my hair had turned out or even how awesome my outfit was (all really important things, I know) – if I had just one zit it was all over.  I could not walk out of the house with confidence.  My self-esteem plummeted.  I would often try to get my hair to fall in such a way so that would cover the zit.  I remember several occasions where I just refused to go out.  I truly believed that I WAS TOO UGLY FOR PEOPLE TO LOOK AT.  In some bizarre way, I thought that I would be making them feel bad.
 If you ask me, I believe that all these multi-national, million-dollar corporations love to see us as neurotic, obsessive-compulsive perfectionists.  That is when they are most happy.  It is when they know they have succeeded.  It is proof that their advertising dollars have paid off.  They want to see us hooked on diet pills, fast cars, big breasts, skinny waists, clear skin, trendy clothes, etc. because that means we will continue to run out and restock our shelves while in turn, overstuffing their wallets.  It is all a successful ploy, a game they are winning until the day one of their sons or daughters either overdoses on steroids or starves to death.  Then maybe they will think about the real consequences of their business deals, but probably only for a moment.