Over the years I've developed an idea of math typical of many students of all ages.  I began to think that math was torturous and overwhelming.  If given the choice, I never would have taken it.  It was the only subject I ever studied that could ruin my whole day.  I sat in my chair with my eyes fixated on the clock, waiting for the bell to save me from the jungle of numbers and theories and mathematical terms that seemed to taunt me from the blackboard, waiting for the teacher to heartlessly call on me so I could let everyone know just how clueless I really was.  The bell could never ring soon enough.  It was the longest hour of my day.  Eventually I decided to just stop trying to understand what was going on and spent the hour thinking of careers I could do without an extensive mathematical background.  I convinced myself that I didn't need it.  My feelings for math were those of pure hatred.  I did not always feel this way about math though.  In fact, there were times when math was my favorite subject.  My feelings shifted in high school when I began to feel like math had gotten the best of me.  It was a sudden process that took place only when I felt I couldn't do what I was expected to, a feeling I didn't experience too often.  Now, four years after my first clash with math, with the help of Dani Novak and Ed Ostrander, I've learned to understand what math really is, how it pertains to life, and why I experienced the brutal transformation against math.  Because of this I not only have a new outlook on math, but also on life.
As a young student I loved math.  I was always at the top of my class and had the most stars next to my name on the math board.  Then came the fatal day in third grade
when the teacher put something I had never seen before.  It was a totally alien figure with numbers under a rounded check mark.  Finally, in an appropriate "Mission: Impossible" type manner, the teacher unveiled our task.  "Your mission, should you chose to accept it: Long Division".  WHAT is long division?  I watched as she solved the problem and decided this wasn't for me.  I would just stick to my multiplication.  Unfortunately I didn't have a choice.  I had to do it- or try at least.  This proved to be harder than I ever imagined.  Not only did the stars next to my diminish, but I watched as my friends play at recess from behind my desk at my lunchtime tutorial sessions.  This was not what I used to.  Math was keeping me from the top of my class AND the playground.  Instantly, I hated the subject that had turned on me.  I recovered though and soon after mastering the art of long division my stars had replenished and I loved math again.
My love for math continued throughout middle school.  I made it into the honors classes and was lucky enough to have two very influential teachers who kept my enthusiasm up.  I did well in both years of middle school math and kept an A average, qualifying me for the honors program in my high school.  I never thought math would be my downfall again.  I was right on top of it.  That changed however within weeks of the start of my freshman year.  I couldn't seem to grasp the topics my teacher presented in class and the quizzes and tests I took clearly indicated it.  For the first time ever I dreaded the day report cards came out, and rightfully so.  My final grade for the marking period ... my first and only 'D'.  I never recovered from that freshman class.  I hated math everyday of my life since then.  Even the year after when I thought I had healed and actually understood the material (though I had stopped taking the honors level math classes), my teacher refused to give me the strong 'A' my test scores deserved because I
wasn't a good note taker.  My notes, that proved to be sufficient for me, weren't good enough for him.  This confirmed it- math was out to get me.
The next two years were just as disappointing as the preceding two, and I shivered when I thought of taking college level math classes.  How was I ever going to be able to handle that?  I figured since I was such a poor math student I would score low on the placement test and I would be placed into a fundamental class and I could try to conquer it- once again.  However, I somehow managed to score in group 1. This petrified me.  But I do have to admit I am happy with the way things turned out.
I put off taking a math class my first semester thinking I wouldn't be able to handle the transition AND a math class.  While registering for the second semester, I decided to be brave and tackle the math requirement.  My advisor suggested "What is Math" since it fit into my schedule and she had heard good things about it.
"Math is love"- the first concept I learned in this class.  With my previous math experiences in mind, I kind of laughed to myself when I first heard this.  My reaction?  And I quote: "Oh really?  Math is love?  This guy obviously doesn't know what he has in store for him!  Try telling ME math is love.  Love is getting out of math class as quickly as possible!" Now I know, you know your stuff.  Maybe math is love!  Once I got past the original cynicism, I enjoyed myself that day.  For the first time in a long time I didn't spend the entire math class staring at the clock.  I actually laughed and had fun.  I walked away with an important concept that day.  Enjoy life and make the most out of it.  I watched as Ed and Dani shared their favorite past times with the biggest smiles on their faces and realized that this time, math was going to be different.  I vowed to erase all my misconceptions about math and start this class off with a clean slate.
Since that day I've learned many more lessons that have the ability to guide me through life.  Most importantly, through Ed's discussion on leaming, I learned that math never beat me.  I beat myself He taught us that the only things that are difficult to learn are the things we are resistant to.  I'd say sitting in my chair for an hour thinking ofjobs that didn't involve math was a pretty sure sign of resistance!  I've also learned that I was foolish for even thinking I could get through life without knowing math.  It's everywhere.  It's in the music we listen to, nature around us, our grades ... the list could go on forever.  Since I've realized to accept math, I seem to be more aware of the world around me.
On my adventure project, my group pointed out to me that math is like music.  It's rhythmic and systematic.  That day I got to escape from everyone and discover myself.  Along our six mile walk I got to think about a lot of things with no distractions.  I was also able to learn a lot about two people I had never known who are a lot different than myself.  Then that phrase that had made me laugh the first day of class came to mind and made me smile.  "Math is Love".  The experience was unforgettable.
Once again, math is my favorite class.  It is no longer an overwhelming chore that keeps me away from living my life to the fullest.  I love knowing that I am capable of getting the "aha" experience.  I can do math, even if I don't know it.  I've learned so much about myself from the class and even refer to some of the poems and posts people have supplied on the websites to relax me.  Now that I am able to understand the discipline more thoroughly and see it the world around me, I'm sure I will be able to maintain my 'Wovered love for the subject.  I now know that to love math is to love life.