Math and Healing.

Today when I checked the HW I read a beautiful work from a student who added the following words at the end of the work.  Reading it made me very happy.

I found these problems very rewarding in that I saw how everything came together.  I was a bit confused at first, but I feel that I have a better grasp on it now.  This was also significant in a day that was filled with confusion.  I had a million things on my mind today and after these two problems it helped me redirect my focus in a positive way.   God Bless,

Reading these words caused a joyful feeling flow through me.  and I thought to share some thoughts about Math and Healing with you.

Remembered Julie.  Julie was my advisee about ten years ago and had to fulfill a math requirement.  I suggested that her to take my class "What is Math" that just started and had some room left.  Reluctantly she agreed.
Julie always came to the class but never said anything "mathematical" and whenever anything related to math was discussed (after all it was a "math class"), Julie disappeared to another universe...  But Julie loved the class, connected to the students and kept coming.  Early morning one day Julie came to my office all sweating and excited and handed me a four page paper.  She said "Dani, you must read it. I just wrote a dream that I had.   and this was the dream:

I was lacked with about 60 other students in a room with my high school math teacher.  My High school class was there as well as my current math class.  In particular my best friend Kathryn was there.  The teacher locked the door, put the key into his pocket and handed each one of us a sixty page math test.  He said:  "You cannot leave the room unless you pass the test.  I looked at Kathryn who always excelled in math and was sure that she will pass.  Indeed, after a short time Kathryn finished the test and handed it to to the teacher who examined it and said;  "You did not pass"
He then took a can of gasoline, poured it out around Kathryn, lit a match and burned her in front of my eyes.  Then I decided to approach the teacher and ask for an extension.  To my surprise he agreed and allowed me to leave.  I was walking in the street and then I met you Dani and asked for you help wit the test.  You refused and I woke up with two realizations:

1.  Why did Dani help me?  Because I can do it myself.
2.  What is Math?  Math Is Love.

Julie's story is always in my heart.  The dream that Julie had was a healing dream.  Julie released an emotional charge that prevented her from being fully present in the math class.  Fears and loopy brain recordings based on negative past experiences prevented her from thinking clearly and enjoying the beautiful ideas that were exchanged in our math class.  The dream had a powerful experience that allowed Julie to become more free.  The process of healing did not begin and did not end with the dream.  I still continues.  And this process is not limited to Math.  It is a sacred process of creating light from darkness.  Transforming life from inert matter.  Choosing life.  of Saying Yes to life, in spite of all the difficulties.  Innate creativity emerging out of the dark caves.  New growth that comes after seeds completely disintegrated and rotted in the Earth.

I would  like to share with you one of the most powerful experiences I had.  Being an only child of holocaust survivors and experiencing a heavy feeling of sadness, loss and darkness from age -9 month, it is not surprise (when I looked at it form a 50 year old perspective) that for many years I was depressed and confused un consciously fearful that I will end up in a mental institution and not be able to support my family.  I was not aware of the roots of these feeling that overwhelmed me.  One day I went to visit my friend and healer Elaine who is an embodiment of pure love.  I was in depression, experiencing quick negative thoughts that I could not control and feeling fearful and confused.  Elaine did not say anything but allowed me just to lie down on the sofa and covered me with a blanket.  Suddenly I felt very very safe and experienced myself crawling in a most peaceful and loving place: A white room that had soft covered white walls.  It also had an aquarium without fish but with the sweetest water in it.  I crawled in it and was very happy.  Suddenly, on the left side of that room I saw a cave.  and in that cave I saw the most gruesome and scary monster that my mind could imagine.  The instant I saw that monster I was literary transported to heaven.  For 15 minutes I sang song of praise to God.  I understood everything.  I understood that even before I was born my mom had that feeling of loss, of utmost despair and when I needed the chemical called love (I don't mean that my mom did not love me, but she could not give me that secure inner feeling of safety that a baby needs).  I knocked on my mom's door from inside but there was no answer.  The monster represented that fear that I identified with for so many years.  But why was I saw happy?  Because I understood that I was a free soul.  A free spirit beyond the body and beyond time and space.  The positive effect of that experience is still with me to this day.


The following words were taken from a Math Journal of a student

Math = Fear + hardwork + insecurity

This is the equation that would perfectly describe the way I felt about math in high school.
I never really made it, although I tried for 5 long years to find the real value of x (Math).  Thus equation was just too hard to slove and this really made me feel bad.  Anyway I pulled myself together and struggeled to get a good grade and in fact I did.  But the grade never could substitute for the most important thing that I had lost: "Self Confidence".  In every step, after every calculation I would always feel this huge fear of doing a mistake.  I would always be suspicious and doubtful.  All this simply made  me hate math.

Math = self-confidence + joy + trust + relaxation + hard work + communication

This is the equation for my math class here at I.C.  From a student who hated math, now I have started to like math more than anything else.  Now I am always 100% sure about everystep I make.  I feel great because I have regained my Self-Confidnce.  In most of my classes here at I.C I don't know any of the students.  While in my math class we are like a big family.  We talk to each other.  We help each other.  We love and respect each other.  And most of all we share the desire to master Algebra.


The following short paragraph was written by a student who started with the lowest math group, took 2 math courses and now is taking an algebra course.  It shows how Self Confidence can build up:

Dani
  I just had a high experience.  I had been working on my 3 homework problems for about 2 hours.  My answers from the 2 points method were not matching up with my answers from the algebraic confirmations.  I was getting so frustrated, but i finally figured it out.  I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders, and a smile came to my face.