A Valediction for My Father on the Occasion of His Dementia
When you lose your mind
who will you be? Since I come
so much from you
what will that make me?
I sometimes think we cannot lose our minds
because we cannot lose ourselves
(here we are) but then recall
so many who lose their way so far
they seem to lose their very selves.
Other times I think
that we must lose our minds because
we lose everything we think
belongs to us: possessions,
treasured and otherwise,
legal rights, the power to decide,
lovers, loved ones, body, life.
But when they all are gone—
choices, memories, sensations,
tokens dropping from our hands,
hands that then go limp, decay,
our names and faces faded
from minds of those who loved us best—
what remains? Maybe nothing much,
for which we should give thanks.
Best to let mental residue
settle to the depths,
or drift into another stream,
fresh feelings, clearer thoughts,
perhaps a different life.
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