The American Online Instant Messenger system may turn out to be a fad — our version of the hula hoop or the pet rock, something we’ll all look back on years from now and laugh about how we used to IM each other all of the time — but I don’t think it will. The Instant Messenger culture has sneaked up on us so quickly that it is almost impossible for anyone with a screen name and a cable modem to think about life without it. In one version or another, IM is here to stay, and that fact has profound implications for the new online American society.

I’m a relative newcomer to the IM scene. I’ve only been on it for about a year. But in that short time, it has completely changed my life. Like Pavlov’s dog, I’ve become conditioned to run to the screen every time I hear that familiar chime of an incoming message. Even when I know the sound can’t be coming from my computer, my muscles still want to react every time I hear it. I want the message to be for me. And as cable Internet connection has become more popular, many IM buddies stay signed on all day long, placing them in constant contact.

IM addiction is a growing phenomenon, as more people begin supplementing their relationships with online chatting. In many cases, entire friendships are created solely on the Internet. The IM culture has altered the way people share their lives with others — in some ways for the worse.

The problem with communicating through instant messages is the illusion of intimacy. Without face-to-face or even voice-to-voice contact, people are able to freely express their feelings and desires, especially for the very shy or those who express themselves better with the written word, like, say, newspaper columnists. At times it can seem like you are tapping directly into a person’s mind, and they into yours as inhibitions are eliminated.

But you can’t overlook the fact that all of this isn’t real. Online relationships often do not translate well into real life. The easy give and take of IM friends can turn to awkwardness as you try to talk to somebody you know everything about but with whom you’ve barely spent any time in person. Of course we’ve all heard of the stories of couples getting married after meeting on the Internet, but more often than not, virtual friendships go nowhere.

IM is abused as a medium when it replaces real contact with other human beings. When it is used to help old friends keep in touch over distances, it’s being put to good use. When people within a block of each other choose the computer screen over the coffee shop, that’s a terrible waste. When roommates across the hall are using it, that’s absurd.

Of course not everyone is online or has IM — yet. But if we don’t see the false intimacy of online communication, I foresee a world where nearly everyone is online, maybe all of the time, isolated but connected, reaching out for contact but, in their hearts, alone.