Photos by Kristen Magee, Design by Tiani Veltri

A woman stood before the audience in the Campus Center Pub performing an intensely personal lesbian love poem. A man sang “I’d Rather Be Sailing” and played the piano. At the BiGayLa open mic night Monday, the pub filled with music, passion and poetry as student after student stood before the audience — lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and heterosexual.

Stories abound in which LGBT people struggle to find acceptance in what is largely still a homophobic world. Students will stand at the Free Speech Rock today at noon to proclaim themselves LGBT or heterosexual allies. The stigmas and fear surrounding coming out have been the focus of events throughout campus this week.

Many students at Ithaca College have unique, sometimes fun, sometimes trying stories of coming out not only to themselves but to their friends, families and communities.

Joe Wladkowski, a freshman sociology major, came out to his friends during a game of Truth or Dare. He told his mother while he was driving. He said his mother became so upset, Wladkowski almost wrecked the vehicle.

“Coming out to friends is usually easy,” he said. “You tend to be friends with people who agree with you. You kind of know who is going to accept you and who is not. Coming out to parents is a little harder because you can’t pick your parents.”

Wladkowski said his parents handled it well after the initial shock. They had a lot of questions about health, safety and even asked whether his orientation meant he was destined to contract HIV.

BiGayLa, a more social group, and Created Equal, a more political organization, represent the LGBT communities at Ithaca College, working with the Center for LGBT Education, Outreach and Services to offer aid and fellowship to those of various sexual orientations and their allies.

“I have always in my personal and professional life loved to connect people with resources that they’re looking for,” said Lisa Maurer, coordinator of the LGBT center.

Maurer offers counseling, informational pamphlets, books, magazines and movies to greater LGBT communities beyond Ithaca. She also offers her own coming out story, featured in this month’s LGBT magazine, The Advocate.

She said growing up in a small upstate New York town, she felt “overwhelming isolation” at not fitting in the surrounding heterosexual world. One night while having Chinese dinner with her friends, she came out to them as a lesbian. To her surprise, many of her friends — even her brother — had been feeling the same way and came out as well. She said that night forced her to realize how isolated and private they all kept their feelings.

Now Maurer said she helps Ithaca College students and staff come to terms with their own sexual orientation, handling some 200 to 300 case requests a week.

“There are some people who because of safety issues choose not to disclose to people in their hometown for a while, if ever,” Maurer said. “Many people face the stress of having to come out over and over again. There are many moments in everyday life that many heterosexuals don’t realize are potential coming- out moments.”

Beth Brunelle, assistant manager of recreational sports and staff adviser to BiGayLa, said she understands how homophobia complicates coming out.

She said a few of her LGBT friends have been disowned and had college funding cut by disapproving parents. She said some people have even hidden their orientation well into adulthood for fear of further parental rejection.

Textor 103 was packed Tuesday night for Cornell Professor Ritch Savin-Williams’ presentation “Mom, Dad, I’m Gay: How Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Unlabeled, and Questioning Youth Negotiate their Relationships with Parents.”

He recommended those in the LGBT community should accept themselves before coming out to their parents. Savin-Williams also warned people considering coming out to be wary of parents who have exhibited authoritarian, homophobic or intolerant behavior, were abused, or have drug or marital problems.

For many LGBT people, Ithaca offers a relative sanctuary from a world still plagued by homophobia. Brunelle and her partner moved to Ithaca after giving up on Richmond, Va.

“When we were looking for a place to go, having a place where we could be open and comfortable with ourselves was definitely a priority,” Brunelle said. “We moved to Ithaca knowing these things would be OK. I would never have [displayed affection for my partner] in Richmond.”

Freshman Angela Robinson said she takes comfort in Ithaca’s overall openness despite occasional bias-related incidents.

“You don’t have to be afraid to be yourself, and that’s something I like about this place,” she said. “We’re people, just people who decide to have a different lifestyle, a sexual lifestyle.”

Savin-Williams said he recommended LGBT people weigh the factors that could affect them before coming out. Though he stressed the need for social support, such as talking with accepting friends, Savin-Williams made clear that coming out was a highly personal decision.

“You have to be ready to prepare your own family of choice,” he said. “If worse comes to worse, it’s very important for you to have friends, relatives, a places to stay and sources of support in case things do not turn out the way you want them to turn out.”