“Would you put down the dildo so we can get to work?” IC Comedy Club President, Marcus Terry said, attempting to regain order at a rehearsal for “The Penis Soliloquies” last Saturday.

“The Penis Soliloquies” is made up of skits and monologues that center around the relationship between men and their penises. Some penis-related issues addressed are size concerns and readjustment techniques.

“The Penis Soliloquies” was first written by the IC Comedy Club three years ago, spoofing the female-oriented “Vagina Monologues.” Rather than focus on serious issues of sexuality, the club decided to make the entire show comedic, with jokes about what many people consider to be inappropriate subjects, like STDs and masturbation.

Senior cinema and photography major, Marcus Terry, said he remembers working on the original show as a freshman and the inspiration behind it.

“We’re not really making fun of ‘The Vagina Monologues’,” Terry said. “We’re getting inspired by it. I remember seeing it as a freshman, then going back to my dorm and writing one of the show’s orgasm monologues.”

Despite the dozens of skits that make up “The Penis Soliloquies,” the show has a relatively small cast of only eight people. The group includes seniors Terry and Ashley Dulli-Thomas, freshman Chelsea Feig and alumni Andy Kleiman ’05, Logan Mosier ’05, Matt Chura ’05, Jake Serlen ’04 and Matt Zielinski ’05. The alumni created the original script for the “Soliloquies” back in 2003.

The performers call themselves the Bacivo Nuggets, and Zielinski said he remembers how that name came about.

“We wanted to come up with a throw-away word, something that wouldn’t conjure up an image in people’s minds,” he said. “We ended up going with Bacivo and then we added nuggets because we thought it would be funny.”

Monday’s revival performance of “The Penis Soliloquies” was well received by first-timers — mostly freshmen and sophomores — and even some seasoned viewers of the show. While this updated production maintained the overall humor of the original, Serlen said the show has still undergone a number of changes.

“First, we had to adapt the script to suit a cast of eight people,” Serlen said. “We also added a bunch of new scenes, including one about STDs, and a new monologue which is performed by a girl. We figured it would be good to hear a girl’s perspective on it all.”

A number of questionable props are used throughout the show, including a dildo, fresh oranges and a toy baby dressed up like a bandit — which is holding a dildo. But even more entertaining than the props are the show’s penis costumes. Several skits required cast members to play the parts of each other’s penises, demonstrating the constant struggle between the brain in a man’s head and the one in his shorts -- and how the latter almost always wins. Mosier said there is a step-by-step process in which the sensual suits are put together.

“Basically, we take boxer briefs and a wife-beater, dye them flesh-colored, and top it off with a purple swimming cap,” he said. “We’re a very classy organization.”

Senior English major, Ashley Dulli-Thomas, admitted that being one of only two girls in the cast made it a little overwhelming at first, but the fun tone of the group made it easy for her to fit in. In the show, Dulli-Thomas’ character delivers a monologue about her penis envy, ranting and raving about how she wants to have one. But Dulli-Thomas said she doesn’t actually feel this way.

“Even though they have their benefits, I don’t really wish I had a penis,” she said.

There are actually few aspects of sexuality that the show doesn’t cover in one way or another. With an anything-goes attitude, “The Penis Soliloquies” shows the funnier side of such sexual issues as STDs, masturbation and even teen pregnancy. At one point, Feig holds her character’s baby by one of its legs and smacks it against a guy in a penis costume.

Some of the more memorable sketches include the “Penis Talk” segment, where viewers get to see just what everyone’s really thinking “down there,” and “Penis Facts,” where audiences are sure to be grossed out while trying to decide if the “facts” are true or not. One fact was about a priest who lost his testicles and is now referred to as Sister Mary Ball-less. That one probably wasn’t true.

One of the biggest crowd-pleasers on Monday night was Chura’s portrayal of Christopher Walken’s penis. He rambled on about having lunch with Sharon Stone’s vagina, Walken’s views on kangaroos, and he even talked about living at Friendly’s for months at a time, eating the children that wandered under the table.

The Bacivo Nuggets hope Monday’s performance of the show was the start of a “Penis Soliloquies” campus tour. The group has sent out 100 press packets to various colleges in Pennsylvania, New York, Massachusetts area. The money made from ticket sales as well as the penis-shaped chocolates sold for concessions, will support the traveling ensemble on its collegiate journey.

“If we’re able to do all of that, we might even try to take it further and sort of become the next ‘Vagina Monologues’,” Terry said.

Overall, audiences loved “The Penis Soliloquies” for its honesty and humor. One student in attendance, freshman English major Bryan Dine, even left with a better sense of self-satisfaction.

“I’ve never been prouder to have a penis,” Dine said.

For more information on the show, visit www.thepenissoliloquies.com.