Working with Parents

Working with family members

Consider the following advice on working with parents:

• Don't be afraid of parents, be confident.  You are helping them by helping their child.

• Understand that parents come from different demographics, and be ready to explain the way that your college works to parents who may not be alumni (or have gone to college at all).

• Learn to say that you are sorry without admitting guilt. ("I'm really sorry that your son was in that situation.")

• If a parent trusts that you are an ally, they often don't object if you are somewhat direct.  Sometimes it's necessary to be blunt if you can do it respectfully and with the parent's feelings and objectives in mind.

• Whether we agree with it or not, many parents believe that they and their child deserve good customer service because they are paying for tuition.

• Often when parents are coming to you, they know that they are in a tough situation and are looking for options.  Even if you can't help them with what they want, they appreciate being given as many options as possible so that they can assist their young adults in making informed decision.

• Try to involve the student as much as possible in any resolution that takes place.  Use your speaker phone or have parents and students use multiple extensions at home so that the student is on the same page as you and their parent.

• Remember, not all parents get along with their children.  Be familiar with the Family Rights and Privacy.  For more information about the Family Rights and Privacy Act, go  to http://www.ithaca.edu/judicialaffairs/FERPA.htm

• Remind parents that we try to help students gain independence and maturity in college by having them do things for themselves. (They will probably agree with you, even if they think that you should make this exception "just this once.")

• Remember, perfectly reasonable people can become perfectly unreasonable when their children are involved. 

(Written by Susan Jennings Lantz, a Parent Advocate at West Virginia University, and edited by our staff members)

Family members are interested in the health, safety, education, and welfare of their children. When you work with family members you will want to focus your message to relate to these issues.