I don’t even know what to say, Blessed Lord,
I am so confused.
I am caught in the midst of a violent crisis of faith,
so uncertain and doubtful.
I am going through a difficult time
in what touches the depth of my belief.
I am almost tempted to give in
to impatience and despair.
Something within me cries out for you,
yet you seem not to be there.
I have broken away from many childhood beliefs.
I decided to let me faith pass through the filter
of my personal experience.
Suddenly, I found myself too far from you,
from security and certainty.
If I still turn to you, Blessed Lord,
it is because I have not yet lost
the hope of finding
an exit door
for my spiritual anguish
I begin to realize
that by myself I will not be able to overcome
life’s ambiguities and contradictions.
I know the mystery of you continues,
and that my faith-existence is a challenge
to be embraced.
The light of your occasional shadowy presence
makes me see that my crisis comes
from the depth of my maturity,
from the depth of my faith.
The irony, Lord;
there is a crisis of doubt
only because there is faith.
Perhaps I have become too demanding
and too positive.
Open my heart, Lord,
to the right attitude
when confronted with questions
of my faith.