Philosophers Stone Synthesis Fails Again, Planet Alignment to Blame
In His ninth attempt to create the Stone of Eternal Life, Eldwin the Grey regretfully admits another defeat at the Hands of the Solar Systemme. "Twas the Sun," reports E. the G., "that was out of orbit this time." But Eldwin remains optimistic for next month, when the Sun is predicted to be in it's ninth cycle and will be approaching Mars, which is reported to be beneficial to various elixers.
The Internet to be Invented in 1500 Years
Prophet Latimer Popilius Stoop declaired Monday after another vision that the Internet is due to be invented within the next fifteen centuries. This is welcome news for everyone at RSA, who are itching for distractions to waste their lives away. "I can't wait to download illegal copies of Snood," quoted the Errand Boy Smeep. "I just can't wait!"
Let it be known the existence of a Great and Royal Society of Alchemists wherein the Truths of the Natural Ethers are to be Studied and Used for the Greater Good of Mankind. And Gold.
The Elected Elders:
